I can’t keep it a secret any longer

I know that many of you are concerned about my not having a man in my life. I know that when David was gone last week you all joked about me having a man over and that’s why I didn’t answer the phone. Then on the phone message Karo said “Hey Mr. could you wake my sister up and put her on the phone?”

Of course there was no man in my room to do that. But that is not to say I was alone. It’s time you knew. Beverly and I are in love. She makes me feel like a real woman. I have never been so happy in my life. She does things to me that no man ever has and I love it.

You see, I’ve known Bev for almost thirty years. She and I were an item before I met Jim. Secretly of course.

But, I realized that my kids needed a male roll model in their lives. So I made the dicision to give Bev up.

I never regreted that decision. It was the right one for my family.

 But then Jim died and David and I moved to Las Vegas. When when we moved back from Las Vegas to Dallas, I started thinking of her all the time again. Finally I decided to see if I could find her and I did. She had been missing me all these years, as I had her. We’ve found each other again and we couldn’t be happier and I hope you guys can be happy for us too.

I’m glad I finally got that off my chest. I hope you all won’t think less of me for it.

The Boshittiest

A bittersweet memory . . .

In 1982, after Walt died, we were all together at Mom’s house in Inglewood. At one point, Ed took me aside and said: “Well, My Bwothew, Walton is gone. Ah guess Ah’m next. Aftew I’m gone, you’ll be the seniow man. It’ll be up to you to take cawe of Mothew.” And I did as best that I could.
When my time comes, Little Brother, you will be the “seniow man”. I will pass it all to you. All I ask is that you take care of My Sweet Angel and help her through what is likely to be a very difficult time for her. If there is any insurance proceeds, see that she gets them. Just help her to do the things that she will need to do. Okay? I love you . . .
The Bosheldest

Limerick #4 . . .

Version 1: Betty
I know you’re thinkin’ I don’t care
But I really, truly do. I swear
Yeah, I left y’all in a lurch
‘Cuz I hadda go to church
Better Heaven than you-know-where.

Version 2: Jay
I know you’re thinkin’ I don’t care
But I really, truly do. I swear.
I wish I could be there
All that fun to share
But I always gotta’ be somewhere.

Version 3: Jerry
I know you’re thinkin’ I don’t care
But I really, truly do. I swear.
I probably bore you
Love you? I shore do
But playing without me’s not fair.

Version 4: Karo
I know you’re thinkin’ I don’t care
But I really, truly do. I swear.
I probably bore you
And sometimes ignore you
Bother me and God if you dare.

Version 5: Limpy
I know you’re thinkin’ I don’t care
But I really, truly do. I swear.
I probably bore you
And sometimes ignore you
Cause I’m prayin’, or singin’ or fixin’ hair.

Another Gaggle of Geese

Betty 

I know you’re thinkin’ I don’t care
Because I don’t wear any underwear
It’s not that I won’t
It’s just that I don’t
’cause wedgies really are a bear

Jay

I know you’re thinkin’ I don’t care
But I really, truly do.  I swear.
I probably bore you
When I say I adore you
But you’ve got me walking on air

Karo

I know you’re thinkin’ I don’t care
But I really, truly do.  I swear.
I probably bore you
And sometimes ignore you
But it’s just ’cause you don’t have any hair

Limpy

I know you’re thinkin’ I don’t care
But I really, truly do.  I swear.
I probably bore you
And sometimes ignore you
Cause I’m prayin’, or singin’ or fixin’ hair

The Devil, you say!!

Once, a few months after Mom passed away, I got up in the middle of the night to take a leak. I went into the hallway bathroom and, as I stood there peeing, I started to bend over backwards (not intentionally, it just happened). I kept on bending and soon I was standing at the toilet with my head behind my knees looking at the wall behind me.
I thought to myself: “This just AIN’T right!! Something is dreadfully WRONG here!!”
Next moment I was walking back down the hallway to my bedroom and suddenly I heard something behind me. I turned and there was Mom. She said, ever so quietly, “It’s time to go, Son.” And I REALLY felt spooked at that point.
I said: “Mom, what are you saying?” She repeated: “It’s time to go, Son.” I croaked: “You mean I’m dead? Or dying?” and she repeated: “It’s time to go, Son.” (I get goose-bumps just thinking about it.)
Finally, I said: “Okay, Mom. I guess I’m ready. At least, I can go to Heaven and be with you.”
All of a sudden, she began to morph. He face became hateful and she had big, dark eyebrows and and evil grin. Then her dress became a red suit. She grew horns out of her head. And she grew a long tail with a forky-kinda’ thing on the end of it. And she was holding a pitchfork. I could smell fire and brimstone.
And, in a voice that seemed to emanate from the depths of the hoary nether world, she said: “Not exactly, Son.” And laughed a Devil laugh again and again. And then I woke up . . .
The Bosheldest
I guess it seems like a kind of hateful story but later that night I awoke (and this time I WAS awake). I was lying on my right side – which is unusual since I normally sleep on my back – and my right hand was lying palm up on the bed in front of my face. I could feel something caressing my hand and stroking my palm. In fact, I could SEE the impression on my palm each time I felt a stroke. And I was filled with a transcendent feeling of peace and well-being. I am convinced, to this day, that it WAS Mom that time. Knowing that I had had a nightmare, she came to comfort me. And say: “I’ts okay Son. I am here for you.”

The Shark and the Minnow . . .

I have probably told this before; perhaps many times. But I think it bears repeating. It’s a lovely memory of Our Mom.
Years ago, when I was staying with Mom, we got into a penny-ante poker game. Actually, I think we were playing for quarters. You know, just a couple a bucks a hand, at most. I can’t speak for Mom but I know I was having a great time. As I usually did with her (with the possible exception of the time she knocked me off my chair).
At one time in the evening, I dealt us our hands. I had three sixes; not too bad. And, as I prepared to deal the draw, I asked Mom: “Cards?” She replied with a benign smile: “I’ll just playa these, Son.”
Well, since I AM an expert player (HAR DE HAR HAR!!), I thought: “Well maybe she has a pat straight. Or maybe even a flush. Could even be – Heaven forbid – a full house. But if I catch another six, she’s dead meat.”
So I drew my two cards and -Lo and behold – there was my case six!! I was ready to rock an’ roll.
So she maide her bet; I think it was fifty-cents. I called and raised another fifty cents.
She laughed and said: “DON’T bet against me, Son. You won’t win.”
“Well,” I thought, “We’ll just see about that!!” So she called and raised me back. I called and raised her again. (After all, I got FOUR of a kind; how could I lose???)
Each time I called and raised, she would call and raise me back. And, each time, she would laugh that wonderful hearty laugh of hers and say: “DON’T raise me again, Son. You’re just going to throw away your money.” (Laugh, laugh)
Of course, I KNOW what I am doing and the laughing just egged me on. (In hindsight, that may be just what she was counting on . . . LOL!)
So we called and raised again and again. After all, I think we had like $26 in that penny-ante pot. Finally, she called me and did not raise again. (I suppose she was trying to be kind to her son.)
So, Mr. Big Shot, I laid down my cards and said something like “Read ‘em and weep, Mom”
She laid down her pat FOUR QUEENS and laughed and said: “No, YOU read ‘em and weep, Son.” And laughed until I thought she’s bust. And, again, she said: I TOLD you not to bet against me.”
I was properly contrite and more than a little embarrassed. But it WAS a good time and it is a precious memory . . .
The Bosheldest
PS: Another related story:
At about that same time, Mom asked me to drive her to Gardena so she could play lowball. (She LOVED to play lowball!!) She was already pretty much “in her cups” so I drove her there. I stood behind the rail and watched her play. As the evening wore on, she became more and more blotto. But she was having fun and that’s all I cared about.
On the last hand she played, she took two cards and the guy to her right apparently thought he had a good hand. He made the maximum bet. Mom called him and raised the max right back. They went back and forth for a while; calling and raising. Finally, when she made the last raise, the guy must have lost his nerve. He folded. Mom raked in the pot (she was SO drunk she could hardly do that). The guy was really incensed and said: ” I wanna’ see what you had.” Mom said: “You are not allowed to see. you gotta’ pay to see the cards.” That made the guy even MORE angry. So he reached down and turned her cards over. She had a PAIR OF JACKS!! The guy could have beaten her easily. And THAT made him really leaked off. I thought he might have apoplexy.
He started to say something else to Mom and I interjected from behind her: “Hey, watch it!!” He looked at me – all 240 lbs of me at that time – thought better of it and muttered something like: “There oughtta’ be a law . . . ” and left the building. I took Mom home and put her to bed. She was really happy that she had “played so well” . . . LOL!! Another precious memory . . .

Seriously, Folks . . .

Jerry is the baby of the Boshear clan
We call him ‘The Baby’ but he’s a real man
Loving husband, caring Dad
Two children he’s had
I talk with him whenever I can.

Next comes Karo, our ‘Baby Sis’
Comes to humor, she doesn’t miss
She’s always there
First one to care
She’ll crack a smile when she reads this.

Lynda, of course, is our ‘Middle Girl
Any kind of puzzle, she’ll give it a whirl
You can see her smile
From a country mile
She’s a gem; a precious pearl.

Then there’s Betty, the ‘Holy One’
Being around her is always fun
I’ll say it out loud
She makes me proud
Of all the good she has done.

Followed by me, I call myself Jay
I’m not sure I know what I can say
I’ll leave it to y’all
To make the call
I’m always happy in my own way.

Last is Ed, Walt, Mom and Dad
Since they’ve gone, our hearts are sad
They’re up there above
Sending us their love
BEST damn family I’ve ever had.

The Bosheldest

Our Dear Father . . .

When I was about 15 years old (at the time Mom and Dad were divorced), Mom went to Kansas City and took Betty, Lynda, Karo and Jerry with her. I don’t know why but she left me with Dad. I think we were living on W. 88th Place in LA.
Anyway, as were we all, I was deathly afraid of him. You never knew when you would do something wrong and get a serious “holler’at” or maybe even a knock upside the head.
One night, when he was “well into his cups” (for you kids, that means “drunk”), he made me play poker with him.
I tried my very best to lose. But God was cruel to me. It seems that no matter what I kept getting the best hands.
The more I won, the madder he got. I just KNEW he was going to beat the tar out of me. He didn’t but that did nothing to mitigate the terror I felt every time the cards were dealt.
It’s funny now but, at the time, I was living with a man who was, at best, mean and, at worst, unpredictable, violent and sadistic.
Still, it is a good memory.
During the last 12 years of his life – after he sobered up – he was a good man. We got along very well. And the good times we had far outweighed the bad memories.
The last time I spoke with him between the time he was in the hospital and when Gladys found him dead, we spoke on the phone for about an hour. It was a good conversation and the last words I heard from him were: “I love you, son.” And he did. And I loved him. And I still miss him . . .
The Bosheldest

Do yaw’ll remember when…

Limpy was gonna teach JayAre how to fish?… It was sooooooooo funny… We were at an FU… I’m not sure what year but I think it was the same one where Steve resigned from his duties as entertainment director for short people, anyway, the entire thing was captured on film and it was funny as heck… Limpy sat there all day with her line in the water trying to explain to JayAre exactly how it’s done, but she kept getting interrupted cuz JayAre kept catching fish, so Limpy would have to wait for JayAre to put her fish in the bucket and rebait her hook… ‘Bout the time Limpy got going good again with her lesson JayAre would catch another fish… If I remember correctly JayAre caught 12 fish total (not all keepers) and Limpy never even got a nibble… The tape was just way too funny… I even showed it to Steve and he cracked up too… Of course yaw’ll will have to just trust me on this one cuz the day I showed it to Steve was also the day I learned about breaking that little tab off the VHS tape… The next time I went to watch it alls I got was an episode of NYPD Blue… My bad….

Practice makes perfect…

Today we had our 3rd (or was it 4th) PU at 7AM. Jay called me, I called Karo, Karo called Limpy and we talked about Betty. We knew that Betty was in church so it was safe.

 We had this great idea. Since we have been writing adlib limericks and posting them online we decided to make up four lines of a limerick, then call Bets and leave it on her answering machine for her to write the last line.

 I started it with “We called you this moring to say”

Then Karo added “Although we know you’re away”

And Linda contributed “We just had to do it”

… and then we realized that since we always go in order of age the next line would rightfully be Betty’s…

So we started over. We were pretty happy with the lines we had written so we just decided to use them but have Jay start.

Jay: We called you this morning to say

Jerry: Although we know you’re away

Karo: We just had to do it

Limpy: … uh 

Okay, let’s try that again.

Jay: We called you this morning to say

Jerry: Although we know you’re away

Karo: We just had to do it

Limpy: That’s all there is to it

Cool! We got it!

So we practiced for about 45 minutes before we finally got the timing down perfectly and then Limpy called Bets.

Just as we suspected her machine answered: “Hi, were sorry we missed your call… blah, blah, blah…BEEP!”

We all waited patiently for Jay to start our perfect 4/5th of a limerick…

… and we waited…

… and we waited…

…and we waited…

Finally, I couldn’t hold it in any more and I just busted up laughing. Someone told Jay to start and he said:

“Oh, I was waiting for the beep!”

Laugh? I thought I’d die. All that practice was for naught because we left it up to the deaf guy to listen for the beep.

Who’da thunk?

 LIOTR